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Oliver Khan
"HOLY SHIT, DID HE JUST FUCKING DO THAT? -Brad Pitt" Biography Oliver Khan, otherwise known as the "Scourge of the Native Indians, Germans, Koreans, Japanese, and Arabs", "The Red Baron of Badassery", and "the Warbound Warbringer", is the incumbent, de facto king of America. He is also the most decorated serviceman of the Scarlet Crusade, an elite and highly zealous guard that seeks to uphold Manifest Destiny. He is also blind, because justice is impartial... except towards visible minorities. He has served in every one of America's RIGHTEOUS conflicts. Oliver only seeks to create crimson rivers of blood through sheer awesomeness under the banner of 'Murica. As a distinguished aerial ace from the first World War onwards and as a young ground-forces fighter during the Age of Exploration, Oliver has racked up over 104,000 honourable kills, 208,000 eyeballs blown to smithereens or slashed to bits, and over 1,000,000 teardrops of quintessential agony. Those statistics are unmatched much like his combat prowess. He sustains well over 330,000 damage per second, which is enough damage over a 5 minute period to obliterate Israel off the face of the Earth. He will kick your ass in cold blood. During the Civil War, Oliver enslaved over 2000 goblins and used them to fight other enslavers because slavery was bad. He released them all afterwards, but not before breathing fire on Colonel Sanders from ontop of an ornithopter originally designed by Leonardo Da Vinci. He also promoted Atticus Finch to the rank of "All-American Badass" and Kobe Bryant's great great grandfather to "Realest Nigga". Since his promotion to the officer ranks, Oliver has served as the General of the Army for the Kingdom of America since the second World War. After orchestrating the throwing of two Thunderfuries at Hiroshima and Nagasaki in response to the Japanese bombardment of Stormwind Harbour, Oliver was knighted by Pope Eisenhower. He is also credited with driving up the national wealth of America hundredfold in the years following the Second World War by calling dibs on all of the spoils. Contributing to Sun Tzu's "Art of War", Oliver Khan has championed and improved "Scorched Earth" and "Rape and Pillage" military tactics to make sure that his enemies either have nothing to eat so they can quiver and die or they simply die horrible deaths. Isn't that terribly awesome? Yes, it shows his terribly awesome power. After liberating Vietnam and Korea, Oliver corrupted his Ashbringer in the blood of 10,000 baby lambs. This allowed him to commit an act of "treason", yet he did it for the benefit of the people. He slew the treacherous Sith Lord Nixon and has served as the King of America since. His current advisors include colonels Clinton, Obama, and John Fucking Madden. During the war against Libya, Oliver, in a morale boosting show of bravery and amazingness, flew in on a Merciless Nether Drake and shot lasers out of his eyes at the rebel forces. He proceeded to leap off the drake, do 10 somersaults, whip out his Warglaives of Azzinoth, and decimate their front ranks. Numerous battalions were forced to flee. He didn't let them get far for he whipped out his Ashbringer, impaled the ground, and obliterated them with a blast wave the size of three San Marinos. After becoming a(n un)living vessel of contagion, Oliver infected the remainder their commanders with a blood plague, which them off. The plague spread like an epidemic which killed off every suspicious citizen that remained in their huts throughout the massacre. In the Afghan War, Oliver whipped out a Thori'dal, screamed Rambo, and blew up 250 armored convoys from 90 miles away from the front porch of his fort. Russia was fairly upset. The Afghans then proceeded to take some of Oliver's forces' weapons for their own keeping. Oliver gave no fucks. Oliver's current plans include the extermination of Osama Bin Laden, leader of the True Horde, through Operation Desert Sulfuras. He has currently joined forces with Vlad the Impaler, king of Russia in order to make amends. Oliver has also opened up a chain of restaurants that specializes in gourmet hamburgers (not the autistic kind). Oliver is very popular in America. He has a 100% beloved rating according to a recent poll (n=1).